archy climbs everest

by don marquis

may fifteenth nineteen
thirty five started climbing
mount everest early this morning
met the maharajah of nepal one hundred feet up
greetings old feather duster said i
that is not a feather duster he said
that is
stop i cried dont you tell me
that is your wife
that is my beard he said
i accept the apology i said
quick as a flash

may sixteen at one thousand feet
i met an avalanche coming down
as i was going up
we compromised and this morning
i am starting all over again
dancing on the avalanche
as it skidded towards sea level
were two strange figures
prancing on their hind legs
whom i identified as the dalai lama
and mehitabel the cat
they were singing in part as follows
oh the lama here
is a son of a gun
and mehitabel once 
was a hindu nun
skip skip my himalaya honey
the rarified air
of the mountain side
has completely withered
the lamas pride
hike hike my himalaya honey
if the bottom of the hills
were placed at the top
when we wanted to go up
wed merely have to drop
drill drill my himalaya honey

may seventeen oh lord
the maharajah of nepal 
is following me with a squirt gun
full of insect poison
here comes another avalanche

archy on everest

by don marquis

may eighteenth fifteen
thousand feet up on mount
everest today i caught a ride
on an airplane going my way
everyone i meet is all hopped up
with the altitude
caught up with the maharajah of nepal
gaily hopping over snow and ice
bare legged i said to him
hello spinach face are you starting
a nudist colony up here
and he replied
an avalanche 
tore off my panche
and left me feeling funny
but we never rest 
on everest
my himalaya honey
yes i says but who was that lady 
i seen you walking with
a mile of so below
that wasnt no lady he says quick as a flash
that was the taj mahal
skipping along ahead of us were
the dalai lama and mehitabel the cat
mehitabel had written in the snow
send a message to my public
in america please archy give them
love and kittens from mehitabel
and the dalai lama
may nineteenth spent the day
riding up on airplanes
and coasting down on avalanches
if you dont know anything about asia
it would surprise you how much traffic
there is in the himalayas
may twentieth twenty thousand feet up
overtook a bum who says he is
nicholas romanoff formerly czar
of all the russias and when i say all
i mean all archy he said
the sun never set on my dominions
why not i asked him
because they were too cold
to hatch he replied ask me another
the reds missed me he said
and i have been in siberia ever since
i figure if i can get to the top
and stay there i will be safe
have you got a can opener
what for i enquired
i have some canned heat he said
but i cant get into it
i have practically lived on canned heat
ever since i escaped from russia
may twenty first got carried down
four thousand feet by a snow slide
when i came to myself
i was on a ledge of rock
and sitting in a row with their feet
hanging over nothing were mehitabel the cat
the dalai lama and the taj mahal
nicholas romanoff and the maharajah of nepal
all drinking canned heat and singing
in part as follows
we have tried all sorts
of winter sports
and spent a mint of money
we have skied the alps
and cracked our scalps
and burrowed like a bunny
but everest is sure the best
my himalaya honey
listen now said the former czar
and i will tell you the story of my life
it was going off that gold that ruined me
you mean the gold standard asked the lama
no said the maharajah
he means the gold cure
nevertheless said nicholas romanoff
i will tell you now the
story of my life
with slides asked the taj mahal
cant you try and forget it
mister romanoff asked the maharajah
no said the former czar
sniffing the canned heat
not while i have this rosemary
it is for remembrance
and he hit his insides
a terrific wallop with the horrid stuff
yes and rue is for you
said the taj mahal
kicking him five thousand feet downhill
and larkspur is for cooties
the dalai lama shouted
after him as he whirled into space
i discovered a virgin gold mine
the next morning how do you know
it is virgin asked mehitabel
yes said the taj mahal explain
tush tush said the dalai lama
give it the benefit of the doubt
well it seems reasonable said i
there is a snow slide 
over it every twenty minutes